Why I feel this way.

I had a good talk with hubby today. 

I informed him I've been thinking alot about my friend who died on thursday.  I remember so much about her.  I told him we have known each other for a very long time.  Well.. I knew he knew that but it was good to say that again.  I told him how generous she was, she used to bring lots of food to the office to share with everyone.  She was a happy person, never talked bad about anybody.  Thats just her.  Then I confided to hubby that I never lost a friend before, and joked with him that when my friend and I were on the other world (alam akhirat), I would meet her and she will mention that hey.. I was the first one who died amongst our friends! hahaa..  Hubby said he had lost so many of his friends that it didnt feel weird anymore.  Which is true of course.  Its just what life is all about.  I will be ok, its just I need a few days to digest all this.

Then hubby said something that clicked.  He said the reason why I kept on thinking about my friend was because we didnt get to meet when we were supposed to meet.  We met her and her husband during the Photography competition at the Empire in August of last year.  I so wanted to talk to her but I didnt.  We greeted each other from afar and that was it.  It was a busy time, and when I tried to look for her, she was no longer around.  We talked online a few days after that.  I said I was sorry I didnt get the chance to speak to her on the day, she said it was ok, she was in a hurry too.  Time just flew by, although we didnt talk again, I always think of her and checked her online profile in the office.  I knew she was getting sicker when she was always offline but I just didnt have the guts to call her office mates and found out how she was doing.  I also thought I should give her the space and not to disturb her too much but I guess thats not the right thing to do.  And now its too late.  She was gone.  I think hubby was right.  I felt there was something hanging in me that I cant exactly pinpoint.  So my friend, please forgive me for not keeping in touch.  But I am hoping you will have a better life in the afterlife.  May you not suffer anymore.  I want to let you go now but I will always keep you in my memory.