Lost Interest

I feel that going to work is such a chore these days. I am losing all interest to go to the office and sit on my desk. Ever since the recent hiccups, things has not been the same and I really don’t feel like to be there. Its so disheartening and discouraging. Now I am thinking of quitting. I know that’s a big decision, something I shouldn’t decide without really thinking about it. I have to think the consequences, the pros and cons. The aftermath. And how my life is going to be like if I do quit. On the other hand, its kind of tempting to think not having to drive or sit by hubby for 1 ½ hrs every day. Its such a daunting task. And I wish both of us could spare the torture every day. How I wish life would be simpler.

And the company I am working for is not that great either now. After the news are now in the open since last weekend, I am not proud to be with this company again. Such a pity.

I am reading this old book called "Undomestic Goddess". Its about this girl who was a lawyer, very committed to her job, worked her heart out, even during weekends and never had a vacation. But when she screwed up she was fired from her job and suffered from the consequences big time. She ran away to the country and ended up being a housekeeper to a couple who didnt know who she was. She was really not the kitchen type of girl. She didnt know how to cook and clean and took care of a house. But she was determined to stay put so she learnt everything from her gardener friend’s mother. And she ended up liking her new life. A life which is much more simpler, slow pace, calm and easy. At the end of the book she found out that somebody from her law firm framed her and she actually was not at fault. Then the law firm insisted her to join them back. But she didnt want the old job back since she has found what really important in this life, its not all about money and status. But more to life contentment and appreciations not only by other but also for yourselves. Its hilarious but on a serious note, this book does hit me hard on the head.

What I am saying here is, not matter how much money you get from your job it doesn’t guarantee happiness. There are more to life then just committing your life 24/7 to your job. And if things go wrong then the company you are working for wont even blink an eye when they want to fire you.

That’s what inspired me. Although I know its just a book and a fiction but I derive my strength from reading it. There are some true notions to it that I cant afford to ignore. I need to face life with that kind of attitude and dignity. Working for this company is a good choice for starters, but still I cant deny that but at the end of the day I need to consider what is good for me and my life.

Travelling to work for the past 10 years has taken its toll on me. I am tired most days. I even have a travelling pillow on my neck when in the car just to support my arching body! I don’t have enough time to do anything else after work, cant even pray properly 5 times a day. I am rushing every day, I need to perform my Islamic obligations, its important and trying very hard to do that, and I also need to think of my duty as a wife. Although my husband has been very understanding and even insisted I don’t have to cook for him but I know I shouldn’t ignore my responsibilities. So evenings is filled by cooking dinner, spending some short quality time with my daughter and bed. That’s it. Day in and day out. Is there a meaning to all this? I don’t think so.