What a difficult question!
I found this interesting article on how to raise a teenager. I like it since in most instances, the article does ring true on the best way to raise a teenager. Typically teenagers are the most difficult person to deal with since they are full of emotions and raging hormones. Its not easy to grow up. It is usually a very delicate situation when dealing with them. From my experience they are such a sensitive creatures and moody, maybe because they have too much to digest, be it in school, boys and their surroundings. They could just stay quiet and be in their room without talking for a long period of time. If they are into music, they could listen to their ipod or iphone for hours. As a mother and who was once a teenager herself, I do understand that they are in a difficult and transitional period in their life.
From a young kid, they are now starting to grow up, starting to realise the whole world in front of them. It can be frightening when they are bombarded with lots of adult issues all of a sudden. They may not know how to react to certain circumstances due to their inexperience nature. This is where a mother role play into place, to support and guide them to life.
Well, I am happy to note that I’ve done most if not all as mentioned in the article. Its not too bad as I would like to think myself as on the right track.
I don’t have the link but here are extracts of the articles in my own words.
Essential rules of parenting : Raising teenagers successfully
Remember Newtons Third Law
Put up with their wimps as long as its not dangerous for them or for the family, and as long as it doesn’t deviate from the teaching of our religion (my own take). This is especially true because the more you try to tell them, the more you push them in the opposite direction. So what you would do if you see them doing something wrong? You can tell them what you think but don’t tell them what to do. And tell them like you are talking to a grown-up.
My own experience
Our daughter can be moody at times. She can just sulk for a few hours and doesn’t say anything when I ask her whats wrong. If this happen, then I would just leave her alone in her room. I know she wants to be left alone, she usually swamped with too many homeworks, she may worry about school or new boy in school? Things like that. I know she will come to me if she needs to talk and I will offer her my advice. That is always the case. From an early age too, I always talk to her like I talk to an adult. I don’t talk using kiddy words or anything.
Dont look under the mattress
Teenagers have so many secrets and they are up to things you don’t want to know about. So don’t even try to look for those things because you wont be able to find it. Better leave it alone and you gonna have a happy teenager at home. If you need to find out, ask them. And don’t scold them.
My own experience
I never go to our daughter’s room and look into her things. I knock on her door when I want to go in and I give her all the privacy that she needs. I don’t have to worry if she hides things from me because I know she doesn’t. She can talk to me about anything. We talk most of the time, I try to be her friend at home and she talks to me about music and artists, she talks about her friends and their boyfriends, she talks to me even about boys.
Running after them doesn’t help anybody
There come a time when they are on their own and can look after themselves. This means they will have to know how to shop, cook, clean and straighten up, do their own washing, pay their bills, etc. Let them learn to do this. Teach them to be independence like ask them to do grocery shopping for example.
My own experience
I am still working on this. I am trying to instill independence nature into our daughter and I hope we are getting there. And I am glad that since our Amah left, my daughter has done a lot of house work. She tidies up her bed, she looks after her pet, cleans her cage, washes the dishes, she takes in the laundry, sweeps the floor. She even cooks 2 dishes already lol. She is doing great. She also starts to go grocery shopping with me or I let her to go and buy things at the kedai once in a while.
Show some respects for things they care about.
Dont criticise your teenagers interests and what they care about. There are cases where this can blow out their own self-confidence. When you criticise their interests thats like you criticise them.
My own experience
I support all her interests, as long as it doesn’t interfere with her studies and her religious obligations. She loves music and likes to play guitar. So we send her for quitar lessons. She is crazy about teen singer, Justin Bieber, so we took her to watch his movie and his concert. I let her buy his CDs, his autobiography, stick his posters in her room. She loves to read and buy books. We take her to the bookstores all the time. And she loves purple! We support that too, she almost have all things purple. She has purple shoes, shirts, bags, school stuff, tudongs, rings, bracelets & bangles, watches, hair pins, even underwears hehehe
Adapt a healthy attitude about sex
Try being confident about the subject. The more your child knows about sex and finds it easy to talk about, they more able they say no (in the event they have boyfriends). You have to show that its perfectly normal to talk about it.
My own experience
Also still working on this since this is a bit delicate in our culture. But I try my best. I am here if she wants to talk about his delicate subject. Enough said.
